Star Wars: A New Trope

Can a movie review truly be free of spoilers?

Even if the plot isn’t spoiled, then the experience of watching is. If you’re told by multiple people that a movie is great, you’ll see it with different eyes.

So, um, spoiler alert.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens features a protagonist, Rey, who lives a tough life on a barren planet. She is a scavenger who has no friends or family. A chance reunion with a droid gets the ball rolling. By the way, she’s Force-sensitive. Sort of like Luke Skywalker, who’s from a desert planet, whose parents are nowhere to be found and whose journey begins after he meets a couple droids. By the way, he’s Force-sensitive.

The main antagonist is Kylo Ren, who wears impractical-looking black armour, not unlike Darth Vader’s armour, though the latter’s armour kept him alive. Like all baddies in Star Wars, Kylo Ren is driven by rage and a desire to rule the galaxy. He doesn’t seem totally bad – perhaps he’ll toss Supreme Leader Snoke, his boss, down a reactor shaft in Episode IX, then die in the arms of his as-yet-unnamed chosen-one son. Snoke, played by go-to-mocap-baddie Andy Serkis, is sort of like Palpatine, minus the charisma, powers, evilness, motivation, wrinkles and hair.

We’ve also got a few returning characters from the original trilogy – Leia, Han, Chewie, R2, C3PO and Luke. Why develop new characters when everybody loves the old ones?

In terms of new characters, there’s the aforementioned Rey, who is pretty, street smart and innocent, and shows the ability to master the Jedi mind trick in seconds without any training. There’s the aforementioned Kylo Ren, an emo villain who’s not as cool as Vader and is terrible with a lightsaber. There’s Finn, a Stormtrooper who develops a conscience and isn’t too bad with a lightsaber, at least compared with the villain. There’s Finn’s pal Poe, a rebel pilot with no personality. There’s also BB-8, a droid everybody loves because it’s cute and rolls.

In terms of plot, the good guys want to blow up a giant space ball that has planet-busting potential. Of course, there’s a shield or something, so they need to blow up a key installation so the death sphere will also blow up. Sort of like in Episode VI when the rebels blew some stuff up on Endor so they could later blow up that movie’s giant space ball.

Wait, what’s the Millennium Falcon doing in Episode VII? Well, it was stolen from a guy who stole it from a guy who stole it from a guy, then it was put into the movie for no other purpose than to make fans squeal with glee.

OK, so why was Leia in the movie? She was the rebel general, though she didn’t do much. She was also nobody’s favourite character from the original trilogy. I suppose she had to be there, since her brother and old flame both made appearances.

Cowboy Han Solo came back for one last ride into the sunset. After he got predictably impaled after stupidly confronting his boy Kylo Ren and trying to talk the dark side out of him, Chewie got mad. On a scale from one to 10, he was definitely a seven. He got a new co-pilot for the Falcon in Rey, so that pretty much made up for losing his best friend of several decades. No Han Solo? No problem – the Millennium Falcon rides again!

C3PO walked around and had a line or two, I think. I can’t remember, since he served no purpose.

Luke’s purpose was to turn around in dramatic fashion, much like the dramatic prairie dog on YouTube.

R2D2 was in hibernation mode for most of the movie due to sadness or something. BB-8 was safeguarding a flash drive with a map supposedly containing the super secret whereabouts of Luke, who ran away after messing something up in Episode VI.V. Why was there a map? Well how else would anyone have found him? So, after doing nothing for most of the movie, R2D2 wakes up and just happens to have the missing piece of the map, revealing Luke’s whereabouts. The D in its name must stand for deus ex machina.

I’m not trying to pew-pew the movie; I like that there is more Star Wars. I also liked the explosions, space battles and lightsaber fights.

Therefore, I give this movie the lowest score I can give a major Star Wars film: 7/10.